1/31/2006
Is it rude for my boss to call me by my last name only?
QUESTION TO MS. PUHN
Dear Ms. Puhn:
Is it rude for a supervisor to address an individual in a professional setting by their surname? I contend that it is. Using my surname as an example, "Abernathy, there's an assignment for you." I would think that proper etiquette requires the statement to be, "Mr. Abernathy, I have an assignment for you," or "Dan, I have an assignment for you." I found the use of my surname objectionable and contend that I am correct. Could you give your opinion, please?
-Daniel Abernathy
ANSWER FROM MS. PUHN
Dear Mr. Daniel Abernathy,
Your boss is making a communication blunder when he calls you by your last name only, without your permission to do so. Your boss does this without thinking and, in fact, may view it as a sign of friendship. Since this communication blunder is a problem for you, here's the solution:
Use the rule "Complain with Impact" from my book Instant Persuasion. Let your boss save face and present him with your complaint and a solution at the same time. Ask your boss for a few minutes of uninterrupted time. Tell him "I value working at the company and enjoy working you, but I'm uncomfortable when addressed by my last name only. I would appreciate it if from now on, instead of calling me "Abernathy" you call me Mr. Abernathy or Dan. Can you please do that?"
Remember that you don't have to accept anything the way it is. Your words are your power. So if you think someone is being rude to you, speak up persuasively, diffuse the situation, and ask for what you want.
Best wishes!
Laurie Puhn, J.D.
http://www.lauriepuhn.com/
Jen, one of our blog readers had this to say:
I work at a retail store where the norm is to call everyone from the lowliest door greeter to the manager himself by his or her first name only. I don't like this. It's always been my understanding that we use each other's last names in our speech as a form of respect. And we should always preface it with the correct form of address: Mr., Mrs., Ms., and Miss. I think it erases the boundaries between employer and employee a little when that reminder to be respectful is left out.
Rant over.
Dear Ms. Puhn:
Is it rude for a supervisor to address an individual in a professional setting by their surname? I contend that it is. Using my surname as an example, "Abernathy, there's an assignment for you." I would think that proper etiquette requires the statement to be, "Mr. Abernathy, I have an assignment for you," or "Dan, I have an assignment for you." I found the use of my surname objectionable and contend that I am correct. Could you give your opinion, please?
-Daniel Abernathy
ANSWER FROM MS. PUHN
Dear Mr. Daniel Abernathy,
Your boss is making a communication blunder when he calls you by your last name only, without your permission to do so. Your boss does this without thinking and, in fact, may view it as a sign of friendship. Since this communication blunder is a problem for you, here's the solution:
Use the rule "Complain with Impact" from my book Instant Persuasion. Let your boss save face and present him with your complaint and a solution at the same time. Ask your boss for a few minutes of uninterrupted time. Tell him "I value working at the company and enjoy working you, but I'm uncomfortable when addressed by my last name only. I would appreciate it if from now on, instead of calling me "Abernathy" you call me Mr. Abernathy or Dan. Can you please do that?"
Remember that you don't have to accept anything the way it is. Your words are your power. So if you think someone is being rude to you, speak up persuasively, diffuse the situation, and ask for what you want.
Best wishes!
Laurie Puhn, J.D.
http://www.lauriepuhn.com/
Jen, one of our blog readers had this to say:
I work at a retail store where the norm is to call everyone from the lowliest door greeter to the manager himself by his or her first name only. I don't like this. It's always been my understanding that we use each other's last names in our speech as a form of respect. And we should always preface it with the correct form of address: Mr., Mrs., Ms., and Miss. I think it erases the boundaries between employer and employee a little when that reminder to be respectful is left out.
Rant over.
Comments:
Yes, I'm old fashioned and feel that calling someone by their last name feels rude and disrespectful. It also implies a certain superiority of the person who calls you by your last name. Maybe this is old school?
Calling someone by their last name is done in locker rooms and in college within that context with no problem but in the business and professional world it seems out of place to me.
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I work at a retail store where the norm is to call everyone from the lowliest door greeter to the manager himself by his or her first name. It's always been my understanding that we use each other's last names in our speech as a form of respect. And we should always preface it with the correct form of address: Mr., Mrs., Ms., and Miss. I think it erases the boundaries between employer and employee a little when that reminder to be respectful is left out.
Rant over.
Rant over.
# posted by 
: Saturday, March 11, 2006 1:08:00 AM
: Saturday, March 11, 2006 1:08:00 AM
It's extremely rude to call them by their surname only, I know the "boys" in a golf club will do this as a sign of endearment to each other, as well as the customary crude nicknames but no way should your boss do this. I also thin the AP style of news reporting is extremely rude, thank heavens for serious news agencies that still use courtesy titles!
Yes I have this issue, my boss is 25 / 26 years old and likes to call me “Johnson” even though there’s only 4 of us in the office. She calls the girls by their first name (they are 19 and 20) and we all call her ma’am. I’m a 40 year old guy, I don’t know if it’s a domination thing, but she’s pleasant enough otherwise
# posted by : Friday, October 19, 2012 6:18:00 AM
: Friday, October 19, 2012 6:18:00 AM Yes, I'm old fashioned and feel that calling someone by their last name feels rude and disrespectful. It also implies a certain superiority of the person who calls you by your last name. Maybe this is old school?
Calling someone by their last name is done in locker rooms and in college within that context with no problem but in the business and professional world it seems out of place to me.
# posted by : Friday, February 15, 2013 10:31:00 PM
: Friday, February 15, 2013 10:31:00 PM
I totally concur with the last comment; it is bottom line rude; and ignorant; and should not even have to be addressed; but in sports or the military I see nothing wrong with it!
Actually, in the military it would be considered disrespectful and improper as everyone, even privates, are referred to by their rank and last name.
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# posted by : Monday, May 28, 2018 5:30:00 PM
: Monday, May 28, 2018 5:30:00 PM << Home
