2/14/2006
The Golden Rules of Tech-etiquette
Are you a Techno-pest or do you use...
The Golden Rules of Tech-etiquette
Author: Laurie Puhn, J.D., © 2006
Harvard attorney, communication expert, best-selling author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life,
and host of the popular blog Rudeness, Interrupted
www.lauriepuhn.com
Author: Laurie Puhn, J.D., © 2006
Harvard attorney, communication expert, best-selling author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life,
and host of the popular blog Rudeness, Interrupted
www.lauriepuhn.com
Rule #1: Don’t be an “Exhibition talker,” who forces strangers to listen to your lengthy cell phone conversation when they have no way out because they’re standing in line at the post office, waiting in a doctor’s office or sitting on a bus, plane or train.
Rule #2: Don’t be a “Techno-pest” who types e-mails while talking on the phone. The tapping sound of the keyboard indicates your lack of interest in the conversation.
Rule #3: Don’t say “excuse me” in the middle of a conversation so you can rudely answer your cell phone and casually talk to someone else for a few minutes or more.
Rule #4: Don’t cause “Cell bump” by making someone bump into you when you stop short to grab your ringing cell phone from your purse or jacket.
Rule #5: Do begin your e-mails with a greeting like, “Hello” or “Good Morning.”
Rule #6: Don’t be a “Crackberry” addict and tap away on your blackberry or text messaging device while in the middle of a face-to-face conversation with someone.
Rule #7: Do reply to e-mails with “Got it” or “Thanks” whenever someone e-mails you information you requested, even when that person doesn’t ask you to confirm receipt.
Rule #8: Don’t use e-mail as a tool to say something you would not have the courage to say in person. Expect that one day you will face that person and he/she will remember every word you wrote.
Rule #9: Do remember that an e-mail reflects your personal image. If you misspell words, it could indicate to some people that you are lazy or lack education.
Rule #10: Don’t discuss personal or revealing information on your cell phone when in public. Assume that whatever you say about yourself or others will appear on the front page of The New York Times.
Read Instant Persuasion for the “must-know” communication do’s and don’ts.
Reprints of The Golden Rules of Tech-etiquette must credit the author along with credentials and website.
Rule #2: Don’t be a “Techno-pest” who types e-mails while talking on the phone. The tapping sound of the keyboard indicates your lack of interest in the conversation.
Rule #3: Don’t say “excuse me” in the middle of a conversation so you can rudely answer your cell phone and casually talk to someone else for a few minutes or more.
Rule #4: Don’t cause “Cell bump” by making someone bump into you when you stop short to grab your ringing cell phone from your purse or jacket.
Rule #5: Do begin your e-mails with a greeting like, “Hello” or “Good Morning.”
Rule #6: Don’t be a “Crackberry” addict and tap away on your blackberry or text messaging device while in the middle of a face-to-face conversation with someone.
Rule #7: Do reply to e-mails with “Got it” or “Thanks” whenever someone e-mails you information you requested, even when that person doesn’t ask you to confirm receipt.
Rule #8: Don’t use e-mail as a tool to say something you would not have the courage to say in person. Expect that one day you will face that person and he/she will remember every word you wrote.
Rule #9: Do remember that an e-mail reflects your personal image. If you misspell words, it could indicate to some people that you are lazy or lack education.
Rule #10: Don’t discuss personal or revealing information on your cell phone when in public. Assume that whatever you say about yourself or others will appear on the front page of The New York Times.
Read Instant Persuasion for the “must-know” communication do’s and don’ts.
Reprints of The Golden Rules of Tech-etiquette must credit the author along with credentials and website.
Click here to download and print out your copy of "The Golden Rules of Tech-etiquette" by Laurie Puhn, J.D. (c) 2006. You may want to post this in your workplace for others to see!
2/08/2006
How Rude is This?
QUESTION
Dear Laurie,
I have a friend that I have sung in a choir with for 10 years. She has always been overweight until she recently found out she has adult onset diabetes. She has been following the diet and taking the medication and is dropping weight. I, on the other hand, was thin when I met her 10 years ago, and with menopause and age have put on 20 pounds. I have been on diets during those 10 years and lost the weight, but right now it is not coming off like it has in the past. All of a sudden, she is the expert on losing weight and has all kinds of unsolicited advice and criticism for me. She has quite a forceful personality, but I am no pushover either. I'm finding it difficult to spend time with her lately. I do not know what to say to her to tell her to mind her own business. Is there a way to say it diplomatically so that we can remain friends? What is appropriate?
-Theresa
ANSWER
Dear Theresa,
Your friend is being rude when she gives you unsolicited advice and criticism. What can you do about it? Use the 3-step "Rudeness Cure" to determine what to say:
Step 1: Ask yourself, "What do I want?" From your letter it appears that you do want to remain friends with her, but that you'd like her to stop giving you advice when you haven't asked her for it.
Step 2: Stand in her shoes. She is proud of her weight-loss and is probably looking for affirmation and approval from others.
Step 3: Let her save face. You don't want to accuse her of being a know-it-all because that would start an argument and worsen your relationship.
Bring it all together and say something like this: "I'm really happy for you and your weight-loss success. You look great! I can see that you know a lot about how to lose weight, but right now, I'm not interested in talking about how I can lose weight. In the future, if you could hold off on giving me dieting suggestions unless I ask for them, I would really appreciate it. Can you do that?"
Now that's persuasive!
Dear Laurie,
I have a friend that I have sung in a choir with for 10 years. She has always been overweight until she recently found out she has adult onset diabetes. She has been following the diet and taking the medication and is dropping weight. I, on the other hand, was thin when I met her 10 years ago, and with menopause and age have put on 20 pounds. I have been on diets during those 10 years and lost the weight, but right now it is not coming off like it has in the past. All of a sudden, she is the expert on losing weight and has all kinds of unsolicited advice and criticism for me. She has quite a forceful personality, but I am no pushover either. I'm finding it difficult to spend time with her lately. I do not know what to say to her to tell her to mind her own business. Is there a way to say it diplomatically so that we can remain friends? What is appropriate?
-Theresa
ANSWER
Dear Theresa,
Your friend is being rude when she gives you unsolicited advice and criticism. What can you do about it? Use the 3-step "Rudeness Cure" to determine what to say:
Step 1: Ask yourself, "What do I want?" From your letter it appears that you do want to remain friends with her, but that you'd like her to stop giving you advice when you haven't asked her for it.
Step 2: Stand in her shoes. She is proud of her weight-loss and is probably looking for affirmation and approval from others.
Step 3: Let her save face. You don't want to accuse her of being a know-it-all because that would start an argument and worsen your relationship.
Bring it all together and say something like this: "I'm really happy for you and your weight-loss success. You look great! I can see that you know a lot about how to lose weight, but right now, I'm not interested in talking about how I can lose weight. In the future, if you could hold off on giving me dieting suggestions unless I ask for them, I would really appreciate it. Can you do that?"
Now that's persuasive!
2/06/2006
Are You Rude? Take the Quiz.
As a consultant for the recent ABC News 20/20 program on rudeness, I designed the Quiz: Are you Rude? Visit http://abcnews.go.com/2020/US/story?id=1577055 to take the quiz and see the results from thousands of other people who took it. Enjoy!
2/04/2006
Top 5 Rudeness Pet Peeves
Juan read the blog post from Jan. 23 and responded by sending in his Top 5 Rudeness Pet Peeves. Do you have some of your own? Send in a comment below and we'll post them on this blog!
Juan's Top 5 Rudeness Pet Peeves:
1. Talking very loudly on the phone in public with absolutely no concern for people around them.... These people even ignore other people's negative body language to carry on their conversation.
2. Laughing/Yelling/Talking VERY loudly among friends while ignoring every other person around them.
3. Bluetooth!!!! I love the technology, but I HATE, let me repeat, i H-A-T-E all the idiots who use bluetooth headsets and talk like they are alone in their house....this happens alot in: busses, busstops, classrooms, cafes, etc.
4. Sitting down by yourself with a group of people blocking the stairs.
5. My fellow student's cell phone rings once during class and she/he goes "..oh sorry.." Then , 30 minutess later: riiiiiing... again she/he goes "...sorry.." How about turn the f*****g cell phone?? or at the least put on vibrate
Seriously... if you want rudeness, come spend a day with me, seriously....I HATE RUDE PEOPLE, and it will sadly get only worse :(p.s: thanks for the blog!
-Juan
2/03/2006
Watch ABC News 20/20 Tonight, Feb. 3, 2006
As a consultant for tonight's ABC 20/20 program on rudeness, I am delighted that the TV show will discuss one of the biggest cultural problems our nation faces. As you watch 20/20 tonight listen for the Rudeness Quiz (designed by me, Laurie Puhn, for 20/20). If you miss the episode, you can take the quiz on-line at http://abcnews.go.com/2020/US/story?id=1577055 After the show, please come back to this blog to share your thoughts with the rest of us.
Rudeness at Starbucks?
A blog reader's experiences: Twice a week I go to the local Starbucks in NYC. to read the papers and have a drink of green tea. It happens to be a small one and as a result people are always asking if they can share my table for two. Because of the constant cell phoners, I've come to the point of answering "Not if you have a cell phone". Most of the time it brings a smile, but those that intend to receive or make phone calls get angry and walk away or sit down any way. I have a watch that talks so when the cell phone gets a call I switch my talking watch on the the sounds of roosters crowing and a variety of other "alarm" voices. That usually sends them away. Starbucks has become a giant phone booth and most cell phone users sit there without buying ANYTHING. There ought to be a separate room for these inconsiderate people. Maybe if they were all in one room and talked over each other they'd know how annoying they are. I could tell you stories about the jerks that get on the elevator in my 40 story hi rise, sometimes 3 at a time and nothing inhibits them from talking. I never say anything because I know I'll be off the elevator sooner or later.
-Heather
-Heather
